Wish Fulfillment
by BarthVader
Summary: Cindernazz was just a humble girl, running the house for her family, and Kevin was just a run-of-the-mill fairy tale prince. As they get closer to each other, the reader realizes this story seems oddly familiar... [A Cinderella parody]


_Once upon a time, there was a merchant._

_He was a rich and well-respected person, owning a shop in the center of the capital city. He had married a beautiful woman, who gave him a single child, a daughter, and then died of puerperal fever. The daughter grew up to be pretty, hardworking, honest, trusting, charming, and, for some reason, could talk to animals as well._

_After the mourning period was over, the merchant remarried. His new wife wasn't nearly as pretty as the first one, despite being only a few years older than his daughter. Soon after the second honeymoon, the merchant died, leaving his poor daughter at mercy of her wicked stepmother and her evil sisters._

_Our story begins six months after the burial of the merchant._

* * *

><p><em>…in sæcula sæculorum, Amen.<em>

A girl, a blonde in her late teens, had crossed herself. Then she knelt in front of a grave and placed a yellow tulip in front of a tombstone.

"See ya, dad." She whispered.

Then, she stood up, made signum crucis again, and started walking slowly towards the cemetery exit.

The council, instead of having a few small graveyards next to the churches, decided to erect a single big necropolis outside the city borders. For aesthetical valor, lots of trees and bushes were planted on it, and the end result looked like a wonderful, if somewhat grim, park.

The girl was walking down the path leading to the gate, contemplating the inevitable, when she heard someone muttering to themselves:

"[You must be missing him. Poor girl.]"

The blonde spun around, searching for whoever could utter that comment. There was no one in sight, barring a single street pigeon on the branch.

After double-checking no one's watching her, she muttered, quite loudly, "Wissen Sie, dass ich Sie verstehe?"

The bird tilted his head slightly. "Coo?"

"Dammit, my birdish is getting rusty." She coughed and tried again. "[You know I can understand you?]"

"[Really?]" The pigeon flew down, landing a few feet away from the girl. "[That's cool! How did you do that?]"

"[I've got a talent for languages, apparently.]" She faintly smiled, and put her open palm forward. "[Come here, I won't hurt you…]"

After a few seconds of consideration, the pigeon flew closer, landed on the girl's hand and pinched her with her beak.

"Ow!"

"[Sorry, I thought you've had some seeds there.]" the bird apologized. "[I'm hungry. I haven't eaten in two days…]"

"[Awww, poor fella.]" the girl petted him. "[You know what?]" She raised him to her eye level. "[I need to go to the market anyway, to pick up some groceries. You want me to buy you some food?]"

The pigeon raised his head. "Coo-rvah… [I mean, r-r-really? You would do this for me?]"

The blonde grinned. "[Obviously. It's not a problem.]" She pointed at her shoulder. "[Sit here, I can carry you.]"

The bird, flapping his wings, moved to where the girl wanted him to be. "[It appears I've met an angel.]" he exclaimed shyly.

"[Nah, just a fairy tale protagonist. Being the paragon of purity is kinda my job description.]" She shrugged with her other arm. "[Not that I mind. I like helping others. What is your name, by the way?]"

"[Irenaeus. And yours?]"

"[Nazz. My family calls me Cindernazz though.]"

"[Why?]"

The girl sighed. "[It's a long story…]"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, at the other side of the city, a prince was inspecting the surroundings of the royal castle from his room's balcony.<p>

_Damn, all those folks down there look like ants, _he thought, looking at the marketplace just outside the castle walls. Various people were selling, buying, and swapping fresh fruit and vegetables. A few merchants walked between the stands, selling drinks and snacks to the passing peasants.

This exercise was interrupted by three servants, all wearing same dark blue suits and black bowties, bursting into the royal heir's room.

"Ah yes, the royal dorks." Prince Kevin turned to the men. "You're late, _again_."

"It's not my fault your room is at the top of the highest tower in the castle!" the shortest butler exclaimed. "And why the heck do ya call us dorks?"

"It's an intentional allusion to the source material, to maintain a connection with the original show." The middle one replied. His head was covered with an enormous powdered wig.

"We're in a fairy tale, guys!" the tallest one gushed.

"And to answer your question: because 'servants, organizers, advisers and general go-to guys when it comes to handling my stuff' is too long of a title. Anyway," the prince clasped his hands. "you're probably wondering why I invited you here."

"Because someone needs to clean your horse's stables again?" Eddy spat.

"Yes, and you will handle this after dealing with the matter at hand." Kevin scowled in return.

"Which is?"

The prince started walking to and fro. "My parents, the King and Queen, are dissatisfied with how, at the ripe age of seventeen, I'm not engaged yet."

Eddy shrugged. "What's wrong with bachelorhood?"

"They don't like it. They're afraid I won't be able to provide a suitable heir after my passing."

"Congratulations Powderhead," the stout Ed mumbled to his smart friend, "you aren't the most neurotic person in the kingdom anymore."

"And they've declared that if I won't find a partner by the end of this month, they will arrange a marriage with Queen Irene."

All four shuddered at the mention. Queen Irene the Second, ruling the neighboring Country of Manderia, was well-known for being abrasive and abusive to everyone she deemed unworthy, which in her humble opinion amounted to pretty much everyone. The opinions about her varied from "she needs professional help" to "she's nucking futs".

"You are going to get me out of this mess, or I'll personally wrap you in velvet ribbon and send you there as a wedding gift." The prince threatened.

"So, if I understand correctly," Edd piped in. "we need to introduce you to as many potential spouses as possible in a short amount of time. Gentlemen, any suggestions?"

"Speed dating?" Ed suggested.

The middle Ed facepalmed. "Wrong time period."

Suddenly, Eddy's eyes lit up. "We can throw a party!" He exclaimed, with a grin on his face.

Kevin turned to him. "Elaborate."

"We can organize a royal ball, and invite pretty single rich chicks!" He explained. "Then I- _you_ can pick the one that suits you best, and ask her out. You are happy, your old ones are happy, the chick is happy. What could possibly go wrong?"

Edd wanted to reply to that question, but the prince interrupted him. "How much time do you need to throw this ball?"

In reply, Ed tossed a small leather ball, which flew out of the window.

"About three seconds, I think."

"Walked right into that one, I suppose…" Kevin muttered, as someone in the market loudly complained about his root beer being all over his best shirt.

"In all seriousness, with all the catering, cleaning, decorating and other necessary preparations …" the wigged boy counted on his fingers, "…we need a week. Or three days, if you will allow us to hire extra help."

"You have four days, and the access to my personal emergency treasure vault. Unlike you, I have actually met Queen Irene in person during the diplomatic talks a year ago…" Kevin twitched a bit. "Having the short stack embezzle half of my cash is still a small price for not ending up married to her."

The stout Ed saluted, ducats in his eyes. "You can count on us, Prince Shovelchin! We're gonna throw the best ball, and I'm just gonna razzle-dazzle ten percent of all the cash! Y'know, for all the trouble." He added.

"Great." the royal heir pointed at the door. "So, get going, you three. But first," he stopped them before they could walk out, "clean my horse's stables."

"We get to play with horsey!" Ed clapped his hands in glee, and his companions sighed.

**HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!**

**Yeah, in the end, this is Nazz/Kevin, but with the usual level of romance you can expect from yours truly. Read: may contain traces of cuteness, but mostly lowbrow jokes. Also, this isn't just a retelling of the original fairy tale, because that would be boring as hell. Though it was inspired by such retelling with Edd as the prince and Nazz as the damsel.**

**Review, fav, follow, take a swig of the leftover champagne, whatever you wish. BV out.**


End file.
